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Let’s Talk!

I was talking with a friend this morning when she asked me how my Mother’s Day was.  My response?  “It was great…we started the day with a big fight…”   She burst out laughing.  I wouldn’t tell that to most people (well, unless you’re on here reading my blog 😉 )  but I knew she would get it.  We talked about how some people we know have proudly stated that they and their spouse have never argued…ever.   They wear it like a badge of honor but I don’t think it’s healthy.  No two people are exactly the same and if you never have an argument, someone is getting run over.  My friend shared how her relationship with her ex-husband fell apart when they stopped fighting.  Why?  Because they were no longer talking about what was important to each of them.  The relationship became one sided and unhealthy.  Stuff was walled up and not dealt with, left to fester and grow.

It made me think back over our years of marriage.  We have certainly had our share of arguments…and not always calm, quiet ones either. 😉   I don’t mind them because they always draw us closer in the end because stuff gets aired out and dealt with.  We work through it.  We no longer let it sit like we did in the early days of our marriage when we didn’t know what to do with our hurt feelings and different opinions.  Now we talk it through.  We take the time needed to calm down if we’re really upset and then we come back and talk it through.  We listen to each other and let each other know we care and want to understand their side as well as share our own.

Communication is so important in a relationship.  I know everyone says that, but it really is true.   Jonathan and I both come from families that don’t communicate well so we’ve had to really work at it.  It’s so worth it though.  He said to me recently “I really like that we’re talking more now” and it’s true.  We’ve fought for what we have.  We’ve put a lot of sweat, tears and prayers into our relationship and it’s paid off.

And as he said tonight “It’s always better afterwards, have you noticed that?”  It’s true.  We are peaceful, happy and in love.  Nothing has been left to wound and fester.  We have each been heard, understood, affirmed and valued.   We love and are loved in return.  I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

Love Is On My Mind

  Having gone to a wedding on Saturday, and today being Valentines day, is it any wonder that love is on my mind?   Everywhere we look there are pink and red hearts, heart shaped candies, heart boxes of chocolates, and cards declaring our love.  A reminder to show our love to those around us.  Some people are bothered by it, feeling like it forces people to show something that should be shown all the time.  Others welcome it as an opportunity to do something special for  their loves ones.

For me, I like the reminders because otherwise life just happens sometimes.  Without reminders we can get comfortable and busy and lazy in our loving.  Sometimes we need a reminder to do something different, to invest in our relationship.  For us, the wedding this weekend was the reminder.

A friend of our’s took our children overnight.  We dressed up, partly for the wedding party but honestly mostly for each other.  As we watched the bride and groom during the ceremony, we remembered our own.  When the best man made a toast to the couple talking about love and the their having found someone special to share their life with, my husbands put his arm around me and gave a squeeze, a silent sharing of his feelings for me.

We spent the evening visiting with relatives we haven’t seen in a while, catching up and dancing.  We were just being, enjoying every moment together.  Towards the end of the night he sang a song to me while we danced, eyes closed and feeling like we were the only people in the room,  though we were actually in the midst of a dance floor full of people.   It was a heart moment for us.  A giving, a receiving, a time of connecting.

As I look back on that evening, one thing really stands out.  While we knew we were going to the wedding, and so there was some planning as far was what we would wear and things like that, very little else was planned.  We didn’t set out to make it a romantic evening.  We didn’t plan the moments, he didn’t plan the song.  There were no expectations placed on each other.  We were just enjoying the chance to be together, without children, for an evening.  We were just BEING.  And it was wonderful.

Sometimes planning is good, but sometimes we need a reminder to just BE.  To throw out the expectations and let our hearts lead and find each other in their own way.   That is my hope for all of you on this day.  That even as you plan a special evening or meal, you will both be able to relax, let go of the strict expectations and just BE with each other.

  Happy Valentines Day!

 

Marriage on the Rock Sale

With Valentines Day right around the corner, Marriage Today is having some great sales.  One of those is the Marriage on The Rock dvd set!  It is on sale for $45 (reg. $99).

 My husband and I saw this last fall at a church nearby and it was excellent.  We got a lot out of it and both of us left feeling like it was the best series on marriage we’ve seen to date.   So I was pretty excited to see the dvds go on sale!

Here are some clips from the series: