I was talking with a friend this morning when she asked me how my Mother’s Day was. My response? “It was great…we started the day with a big fight…” She burst out laughing. I wouldn’t tell that to most people (well, unless you’re on here reading my blog 😉 ) but I knew she would get it. We talked about how some people we know have proudly stated that they and their spouse have never argued…ever. They wear it like a badge of honor but I don’t think it’s healthy. No two people are exactly the same and if you never have an argument, someone is getting run over. My friend shared how her relationship with her ex-husband fell apart when they stopped fighting. Why? Because they were no longer talking about what was important to each of them. The relationship became one sided and unhealthy. Stuff was walled up and not dealt with, left to fester and grow.
It made me think back over our years of marriage. We have certainly had our share of arguments…and not always calm, quiet ones either. 😉 I don’t mind them because they always draw us closer in the end because stuff gets aired out and dealt with. We work through it. We no longer let it sit like we did in the early days of our marriage when we didn’t know what to do with our hurt feelings and different opinions. Now we talk it through. We take the time needed to calm down if we’re really upset and then we come back and talk it through. We listen to each other and let each other know we care and want to understand their side as well as share our own.
Communication is so important in a relationship. I know everyone says that, but it really is true. Jonathan and I both come from families that don’t communicate well so we’ve had to really work at it. It’s so worth it though. He said to me recently “I really like that we’re talking more now” and it’s true. We’ve fought for what we have. We’ve put a lot of sweat, tears and prayers into our relationship and it’s paid off.
And as he said tonight “It’s always better afterwards, have you noticed that?” It’s true. We are peaceful, happy and in love. Nothing has been left to wound and fester. We have each been heard, understood, affirmed and valued. We love and are loved in return. I wouldn’t trade that for anything.